


baby, i just wanna be yours

by cxsmictragedy



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Abusive Sonia Kaspbrak, Eddie Kaspbrak Loves Richie Tozier, Fluff and Angst, Internal Conflict, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Oblivious, Richie Tozier Loves Eddie Kaspbrak, Sonia Kaspbrak Being Terrible, Sonia Kaspbrak's A+ Parenting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-16 22:47:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29461485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cxsmictragedy/pseuds/cxsmictragedy
Summary: — for evie’s one shot competition!prompt: “you don’t love me.”content warning: internalized homophobia, homophobia, sonia kaspbrak is a warning in herself
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak & Richie Tozier, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 1
Kudos: 20





	baby, i just wanna be yours

Eddie Kaspbrak had always assumed he was defective, that he was cursed with some type of neurological disorder—or perhaps his mind liked to linger on the temptation of sin. Sonia Kaspbrak was not a passionate believer in God, but she was opinionated and good at voicing her disgust for things she deemed ‘unholy’. 

Eddie, forced to listen to the thoughts that she harbored, had developed a terrifying thought process. While he outwardly didn’t agree with the woman on her decisions or thoughts, his mind couldn’t help but linger on some of the things she had spouted in her rants—the angry shouts, the hateful stares. 

Eddie Kaspbrak believed himself to be unholy, all because of her talk of sins, of temptations, of the best friend she had always warned him about. 

_ He’s sick, Eddie-Bear. He’s going to get you sick too, if you aren’t careful. You’ll be careful, won’t you?  _

At one point in his life, at least he liked to believe so, Sonia Kaspbrak hadn’t been so manipulative. She had been compassionate, certainly strict, but she wasn’t confining. That was a time when Frank Kaspbrak was still alive, still there to embrace his son and remind him to be whoever he wanted to be. 

After the death of his father, it was as if she put all of her energy into ‘keeping him safe’, poisoning him mentally and physically if only to keep him at her side for as long as possible. Her love was coddling, suffocating even. She fed him pills, ointments—anything to keep him subdued and under the impression that he was diseased. 

When he was a teenager, he came to terms with the term ‘child abuse’—studying the signs with Richie Tozier and Bill Denbrough before coming to the conclusion that Sonia  _ was _ abusive. He investigated the disorders and medical issues he had, finding out that all of the ones Sonia insisted he had were fake. 

The other sickness she spoke of, however, was very real. 

_ Boys are meant to be with girls, Eddie-Bear.  _

_ It’s a sickness to like other boys, Eddie, don’t let that Tozier boy pass his illness onto you.  _

Eddie knew that other boys his age were already enamored with girls. They were smitten, obsessed with the idea of first kisses, first dates, or dare he say, first  _ times _ . Eddie was also obsessed with the idea, but when he thought of those things, girls didn’t come to mind—a certain curly haired, brightly dressed boy did. 

_ That Tozier boy is corrupting you. He’s manipulating your feelings.  _

He could never act on those feelings, though. It was a sin, a temptation he mustn’t give into. Besides, Richie was into girls. It was hard not to act on those feelings, especially as the two boys sat in the back of the Aladdin, Richie’s face lighting up with laughter, despite the nervous bouncing of his leg and fidgeting of his fingertips. 

“Hey Eds,” Richie whispered, causing Eddie to flush as Richie turned to him. He held his breath, hoping Richie wouldn’t mention his staring or inattention of the movie. “Wanna go get some ice cream after this, then we can head over to my house? I wanna talk to you about something.”

_ He’s sick, Eddie. Do you wanna be sick too? _

“What do you want to talk about?” Eddie asked, choosing to answer with a question. Richie sighed. 

“Later, Eds,” he replied with a nervous smile, his voice still low, “for now let’s finish this movie, and then head over for ice cream.”

When the film slowed and the lights came up, Richie had grinned at him—a large smile showcasing his braces, which he had been so completely insecure about getting. Eddie, however, thought he looked adorable with the orange metal, causing him a slight lisp at times. He felt content watch a blush rise to Richie’s cheeks when he mispronounced math, turning the  _ th  _ into an  _ f _ . 

_ He’s a boy, a filthy one. Do you wanna get sick, Eddie? _

By the time the two reached Richie’s house, their ice cream cones were almost finished; Richie’s molded into a curved formation he was using to embarrass Eddie even further. 

“Eds, don’t hide that pretty blush,” Richie teased, his shoulder knocking against Eddie’s lightly. Eddie chuckled softly. Richie smiled brightly, pinching his cheeks. “Cute, cute, cute!”

Richie snickered as Eddie glared at him, his face flushing more than before. 

The two reached Richie’s house, walking across the yard as Richie babbled about the movie they had just finished, his hands fiddling with the loose strand on his sweater. 

“...and that ending! What even was that, leaving it on such an interesting point, you know? Ugh, other than that ending, it’s a great movie.” 

“You do know you just spent ten minutes ranting about  _ Back to the Future, _ right?”

“Ten minutes well spent,” Richie remarked as they reached his front door. He smiled lightly as he twisted the knob, opening up the door and letting out the scent of Maggie’s rose perfume and chocolate chip cookies. “Mom! We’re home!”

The boys, as usual, took off their shoes at the door, letting them slide over to beside the mat. Maggie’s cat, June, laid sleepily on the back of the couch, its tired eyes almost closed. “Come on, Spagheds—I’ve got a couple new records, and I promised you a talk.”

Eddie’s heart was beating rapidly, his mind wandered helplessly, wondering what Richie could possibly need to tell him. “Alright.”

Richie’s room was so  _ Richie _ —meaning it was one of Eddie’s favorite places. Posters and pictures coved almost every inch of his white walls, and the rest was filled with doodles made by each one of the losers. His roof had a couple ‘stars’ painted by Bill, a constellation that Eddie couldn’t recall the name of. A guitar sat in the corner of his room, but it was neglected as Richie had never learned to play (even if he intended to). His closet door was ajar, showing the bright hues of his wardrobe and the boxes and crates he had stacked on top. His records were unorganized, all on his desk for easy convenience. 

Richie hummed as he shifted through the pile of discarded records, leaving Eddie to sit on his bed, waiting for him. “Richie.” He made a noise of acknowledgement. “What did you need to talk to me about.”

“It’s actually a secret,” Richie said with a nervous smirk, looking over his shoulder. “Top secret, confidential information, a—”

“You’re rambling.”

“You’re right. Caught me there,” he said, turning back to the records, finally choosing one and placing it delicately on the player. “Look, it’s kind of weird, Eds, stupid even.”

“Everything you say is stupid,” Eddie said with a small laugh. Richie was tense, which meant he was being serious, which was a rarity in itself. “You can tell me anything. You’re not stupid, Rich, you know that.”

“I know, thanks for the reminder, Eddie Spaghetti.”

“God, can I take it back now?” 

“Never,” Richie chuckled, stepping closer to the bed. “Okay, I’m just gonna say it, spit it out, let the kitty out the bag—”

“ _ Richie. _ ”

“Right, yes,” he said, returning to the previous topic. His fingers were busying themselves with his sleeve once again, his ADHD acting out as usual. “Eddie, do you believe in soulmates?”

_ One day you’ll marry a beautiful woman, Eddie. You’ll have beautiful children and you’ll never catch those boys’ sickness. _

“I mean,” Eddie started, his words slow. He wasn’t sure he did, but he wasn’t set on the fact that he didn’t, either. “I’m not sure. The world is so big, there’s so many people out there—who’s to say we can’t have multiple soulmates?”

“I do,” Richie said, “I believe in them—and I think I’ve already met mine. They say if you meet your soulmate young, you’re lucky, and I’ve never considered myself lucky, but I think I might be in this case.”

“Oh,” Eddie said, disappointment and relief both laced in his voice. “Who is she?”

Richie chuckled nervously. “Eddie, they aren’t a  _ she _ . It’s you, and it always has been. You’re my best friend. I want to travel the world with you, see you smile every single day of my life. I’m in love—with  _ you. _ ”

“You don’t love me, you can’t,” Eddie said bluntly, standing with shaky legs. His eyes were wild, but soft in a way Richie had never seen, a way Eddie had never  _ let  _ him see. He was vulnerable, scared even. “Boys are meant to like girls, they’re met to grow old and marry a girl—have children.”

“Love isn’t a concept you can give limitations to, Eddie,” Richie sighed, understanding the position he was in, but oh so wishing for the boy to reciprocate. He had spent so long preparing to confess to the boy. “Your mom—you know she’s manipulative, she’s biased and hateful. Who’s to say who I can and can’t love? It’s a positive emotion, that doesn’t change based on who the emotion is directed toward.”

“You can’t, it’s a sin, Richie.”  _ I wish I could be as brave as you, I’m afraid to disobey her words.  _ “You can’t love a boy, it’s not allowed.”  _ I love you. God, I wish I didn’t but I do.  _ “I have to go, I’m sorry.”  _ I wish I never had to leave you. _

Eddie Kaspbrak was convinced he was defective, unable to let himself love—and maybe he was destined to die that way; alone, without love, perishing due to his lack of bravery. 

**Author's Note:**

> i just love these two so much and it hurt not to write a happy ending 😳


End file.
